Last year I managed to peel myself off my sofa in California to reapply my body to my parent's sofa in Texas for the Christmas holidays. Nothing really changed, aside from the size of the television that was affixed in my frontal vision. The pillows felt a little different, and whenever I opened the refrigerator, there was actually edible food inside instead of condiments that have an entire third-world village of bacteria living on the surface.

420 Character Reviews: Big Journey to Home (8.4)

Remember when you were a kid and the floor would suddenly turn to lava? This reality applies here. A turn-based game, BJH is all about teaching you how oversized roaches can get in the way of your fate. It isn’t a necessity to suffer on your own as you can co-op with a friend while you argue about ways to solve a puzzle. It’s gaming 101. seriously simplistic, creative, and fun, BJH will make you analyze every move.

I was sitting in my homeroom when my friend pulled out a handful of small blue pills and asked me if I wanted to try some. The fear of overdosing from mystery pills was overshadowed by my curiosity of what it was actually like to do drugs. I managed to swallow two without water and sat in my chair waiting for some euphoria to hit me, but it didn’t come. Honestly, I waited probably five minutes before asking him for three more pills and took those with water. Little to my knowledge, I had just taken 5 pills of Adderall and once it went through the process of dissolving and running through my organism I became Buddha incarnate. Seriously, I was walking down the halls of Sam Rayburn High School telling all of my friends that life gets better, things that cause us great pain are a part of life, and that true enlightenment is never reached. I even thought about going by Siddhartha Gautama -- after this experience I started to smoke weed. I’d like to ask my old D.A.R.E. officers -- what is the real gateway drug?

One of my most precious memories of my MMA fandom was the night I stayed up to watch Mirko CroCop Fillipovic fight two murderers in one night. Cro Cop knocked out an Axe Murderer then beat the tar out of a Babyfaced Man. It was probably 4:00 am as I watched the Croatian Sensation win the 2006 Pride Open-Weight Grand Prix Tournament. Confetti rained from the rafters while Mirko and his team celebrated a lifetime full of hard work that was finally culminated in this one moment -- this was MMA for me; the golden age. It was a moment that could not and cannot be described with mere words, and that is what Pride FC was. An idea manifested as an organization of sheer manliness, skill, and spectacle.

420 Character Reviews: This War of Mine (PERFECT 10.0)

Inspired by the Siege of Sarajevo, This War of Mine gets to your soul by providing you with civilian experiences during times of war. you try to survive the war with your group by scavenging for food and supplies while also keeping an eye out for suicidal mood swings. Venture out too far and a sniper will add you to his death count. It’s brutal that you will open you to the realities of war. you NEED to play this.

420 Character Reviews: Blues and Bullets: Episode 1 (9.5)

20 years after taking down Capone, Eliot Ness opened up a diner to escape his past yet found solace in alcoholism. the recently paroled Capone needs Ness’ help to find his daughter who was kidnapped by violent cult that has a fascination with mutilating and slaughtering children. Blues and Bullets will grip your attention with an innovative story and even better game play. live, kill, and die in black and white.

Let’s be honest, Scarface is a long boring ride that concludes with an insanely entertaining finally. Nothing else. You better throw away all your Scarface memorabilia; it just makes you look like a fool. Yes, even that shirt with the words “The World Is Yours” printed on it. And yes, you should be ashamed. Go detox your brain with Miller’s Crossing, Carlito’s Way, and, of course, The Godfather series. Even Godfather 3 -- nobody likes it but you choose this for yourself. Once you are up to your ears with constant Mafia violence, you can go ahead and play Mafia I (PC) and Mafia II.

Friday, 07 August 2015 00:00

Inside will help you break from your cage

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I was the type of guy to make absolutely no noise. If a waiter got my order wrong I would think it was my fault for not speaking clearly. You could say I was a wallflower -- a hard working one -- but still a wallflower. Until this one time that a manager approached me and praised me for not making any noise like my co-workers and sticking to completing all my tasks. She highlighted my trait of going the extra mile but not looking for extra money or recognition. To this day, I am not sure if she straight dissed me to my face and my character of docility just ignored it. I was decomposing inside and I didn’t know it. It wasn’t sudden, but I began to slowly break away from the worker bee mentality. I became enlightened to the fact that this was the only chance I have at making a beautiful mess.

Friday, 07 August 2015 00:00

420 Character Reviews: Outlast (9.5)

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420 Character Reviews: Outlast (9.5)

Outlast has you as a reporter that has sneaked into an abandoned insane asylum and who possesses no weapons, only the ability to run and hide. Unless you consider your camera a weapon--you shouldn’t. This births an experience that is terrifying beyond your imagination. It’s the aura of being around psychos and you knowing you can’t properly defend yourself that makes Outlast great. Go ahead, hide under a bed.

Nobody ever tells you that you need some chaos sprinkled in between tranquility to really live. Take Vincent van Gogh as an example, he painted some of the most famous paintings in human history. One day he either decided to cut off his ear to show his passion for a woman who he could have easily painted a masterpiece for and won her over -- or he lost his ear during a fight. Regardless, he lost it in the chaos of love and/or anger. You may be into reading poetry while you annoyingly tell people how sensitive you are, but if you are not going up to attractive people and asking them out on dates, getting into altercations, and reading Bukowski while you smoke you your whole stash then you are not really living. This is truth.

One thing that has always fascinated me about the USA’s short history is the strange disappearance of settlers of the failed Roanoke Island colony. Imagine you are an Englishman named John White who is tasked with going back to check on the progress of a new settlement to find nothing when you get there. Absolutely nothing. No person remains in the colony; there are no signs of a panic, bodies, or any indications of a struggle. Everything is calm and it seems as if everyone just up and left. In your search you only see the word CROATOAN carved into a fence post. That is almost 100 people, your wife and child included, who have vanished and your continued search for them yields no results. It is almost like -- everybody’s gone to the rapture…

420 Character Reviews:God of War III Remastered (8.7)

I’ve thought about naming my first born Kratos but I know many of you have, too. So I’ve abandoned the idea for the sake of being truly unique and interesting. God Of War III Remastered is only unique with its new graphics and pace. You get to see that amazing intro all over again in 60 frames per second! Does it warrant its $40 price tag? not for me or ps3 hipsters but some of you highrollers might be interested.

In lieu of ESL's announcement that they will be drug testing competitors due to players admitting they were hopped up on Adderall in a recent Counterstrike tournament, The Stoned Gamer is announcing the world's first stoned gaming tournament going down October 3-4 at the XO Gold Cup in San Bernadino, California! It's finally happening!

The downside of creating an absolute masterpiece is the very real curse of never making something that matches it. This is exactly what has happened to the WWE after they released WWF No Mercy. Yes, there was a time when it was called WWF instead of WWE (Get the F OUT!). I had some fantastic matches on this thing; everything about it was perfect which has raised the bar way too high for every wrestling game after. Really, why do you continue to throw money on new WWE games when the best is already available?

Since the beginning of time, humans have been obsessed with their final swan song; aspiring to live a life that would grant them the chance to bid a proper adieu to the only world that they knew. Well, if you ever wanted to die in a horrific way then here is your chance! The Flock is not your normal horror survival game where you could resume your life after you've been mauled by a scientific mutation. NO, in this game if you die, that's it. No more game for you. Seriously, you can never play The Flock again, there will come the time that the game itself will cease to exist and it is a very intriguing concept.

420 Character Reviews: Her Story (8.7)

Be prepared to have your steady mind tested with the sorrowful introduction of Ori and The Blind Forest. This is the type of game that opens you to the beauty of colors and the vibrancy of perseverance. Learning new skills is essential for Ori and everything learned adds to the pulsing life of this game; everything is in a symbiotic relationship. It might look like a child’s game but it is so much more. It’s beauty.

Monday, 13 July 2015 00:00

LISA has shown me the end of humanity

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I have been in an uncontrollable vortex of despair, hopelessness and ideals since the moment I first played LISA: Painful RPG. Living in a cozy world where my only real interaction with true human darkness is through the numerous news networks has made me weak. Day by day I live a luxurious life where I get to pick when I eat and who I befriend. Hell, making a cup of coffee and eating it with your favorite bagel with your choice of spread, is a luxury that the majority takes for granted. At any moment, our reality could surrender into something darker and macabre. What would happen if everything went away and we were placed in a wasteland with little to no hope, peace, or order? Lisa has the answers.

Friday, 10 July 2015 00:00

420 Character Reviews: Her Story (8.7)

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420 Character Reviews: Her Story (8.7)

Let’s take a trip back in time with this fantastic FMV videogame! I did not expect much from Her Story, but wow. You play as an investigator who is trying to piece together the tale told by this woman who is accused of murder. As she reveals her story, you pay attention to her body movements, her tone, and her words. It’s terrifying how she says some things with the calmness and apathy of killer. but is she guilty?

I am a hip-hop snob. This is a burden I've carried for many years. I try not to be so critical of popular music now, but I just want everyone to know that I listen to your favorite rapper’s favorite rapper’s favorite rapper. Sometimes I like to sit and think about the type of video games that would complement each rap group's style. For example, A Tribe Called Quest would have a game where Q-tip must drive around Southern California in a journey to find his wallet. The real question is what type of game would harness the ultra-aggressive and depressive energy that is Jedi Mind Tricks.

Where the Wild Things Are is a children’s book whose message is lost in those too young to understand it, a lot like psychedelics. Maurice Sendak used a simple narrative and memorable illustrations to make the public aware of the power found in imagination. On a more immature level, it taught you to say “Let the wild rumpus start!” before inhaling a bowl of marijuana or before coitus, ruining the mood of the latter. Maurice Sendak might have been called to travel outside of our realm but his works continue to motivate freethinkers around the globe in all languages.

420 Character Reviews: Remnants of Isolation (8.2)

You should not to judge a book by its cover but you should always judge a videogame by its title. I played this game solely on the name and found that Remnants of Isolation is a good RPG with an even better narrative. There is actually a bit too much emphasis on the story but it is still a nice little experience while its short length does not allow the characters to truly develop. The music is spot on with the settings and the battle system is impressive. Truth be told, it's not a game for anyone who lacks a soul.

Quitting a job you hate is one of the most liberating acts you can do for yourself. My brother was a middle school music teacher until the day he used an expletive to tell a girl to be quiet. Yes, STFU. Later that day he told me the moment he signed his resignation papers will be ranked as the moment he was reborn. It doesn't work for everybody -- chances are low you'll find freedom in cursing at school-aged children but maybe you should try to alter your life before the boiling point. If you do quit your job today, congratulations. Don't hold me responsible for your irresponsible decision. I'm just a guy on the internet with a brother who has a loose tongue.

420 Character Reviews: Yoshi's Wolly World (7.4)

If your grandma decided to give up bingo and create video games instead, she would produce Yoshi's Woolly World. It is inevitable to subconsciously compare Yoshi's' world to Little Big Planet, but the former is a lot more pedestrian. There is a lot of fun found while looking for hidden items and the game is also a buffet of colors for the eyes yet it lacks any challenge; even the bosses pose no real threat. That's about it, get this title if you absolutely love Yoshi or if you have some 4 year old to distract.

We are pretty edgy, or so we think. The truth is we will never be as cool as the animators that existed during the 1930s. My Saturday mornings were made up of microwaved corndogs and 1930s ComiColor animation, I just didn't realize it was actually a gateway into the minds of grown men who loved drugs and art. Think about it, could you think of a place made entirely of balloons and have a pin cushion villain with a protruding phallus? Not without some 'extracurricular' help.

420 Character Reviews: Dead Synchronicity (8.9)

There is no great change in depth with this Batman game. He is a troubled hero whose darkside is explored while fighting crime in memory of his murdered parents. You are not here for story, though, you are here to break a countless number of bones while still not killing your victims. Arkham Knight does a good job of feeding that thirst while also giving you the freedom to soar all over Gotham. This a good game with great graphics and stylish combat but it leaves you wanting more from the story of Batman.

The 'Just Say No' campaign of the early 90s collapsed when Bethesda hit the gaming scene with Elder Scrolls. After that, it was simply impossible to say no. Bethesda was your dealer and Elder Scrolls was the crystallized crack rocks inside a little plastic baggie -- and you've used everything from PC-DOS to PlayStation 4 to smoke it in.

You must really consider the fact that the state of our technology would have never gotten past the embryonic stage had it not been for small contributions to innovation. Everyone gets so happy when a game comes out with new DLC content for their favorite games but do you ever wonder what were the early stages of DLC gaming history? I don't, because I have better things to do than to devote my entire life to the detailed history of video games.

Monday, 22 June 2015 00:00

420 Character Reviews: Sunless Sea (9.4)

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420 Character Reviews: Sunless Sea (9.4)

A game set in a Victorian Gothic era in Fallen London should be enough to get you to buy it. The title Sunless Sea almost lets you know everything this game is about--discovery and vast loneliness. I am going to be straightforward with you, buy this game for the writing. Seriously, it is a collection of words that you will feel it long after the game has presented you with your conclusion. Just like in real voyages, cannibalism is a very real thing in Sunless Sea. This is exploration at its most terrifying.

Fear can manifests itself in many ways. Are you a perfectionist? Do you sit and wait for things to reach the perfect pitch in order for you to act? This is a presence of fear disguised in the form your need to have everything be perfected. Are you indecisive or procrastinate? Yes, this too is a presence of fear. These are all things that are holding you back from taking action towards something or someone you wish to have, but the reality is that no action yields no results.

420 Character Reviews: Dead Synchronicity (8.9)

Will the apocalypse devour time? Created by a few people from Spain, Dead Synchronicity is a point and click game that utilizes a simple scheme and turns it grand. The protagonist exists is a dystopian environment with compelling characters and a brutal tale. Grimy colors and settings give life to a vibrant game that requires you to solve puzzles that are not always logical; it is depression illustrated on your screen. Buy this immediately and witness how unyielding and impure humanity can be.

Since we did it for Microsoft's E3 media briefing, we obviously feel obligated to do this feature for Sony PlayStation's media reveal at E3. A lot things were thrown your way, and we've condensed all the interesting things down to a handy top ten list.

Tuesday, 16 June 2015 00:00

420 Character Reviews: Porcunipine (9.2)

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420 Character Reviews: Broken Age: Act 2 (8.2)

Play as psychotic balding porcupines who are placed in a four player competitive arena with the goal to obliterate each other. The characters have only one quill that can be fired in the direction of other rodents, but the catch is that is all you have is that one said quill. Careful with your shots as they can rebound and penetrate your own skull. This is a great game to play with your friends and build resentment. The amount of blood that splatters adds to the humorous nature of this ridiculous game.

This article was originally created for Microsoft's E3 briefing stream, but now that it's over with, we've repurposed this as a top ten list of the most amazing things that came out of today's press conference. We're just so damn resourceful over here.

FIFA is corrupt. So corrupt that EA decided to add it to their EA FIFA franchise, you just didn't realize it was in there. My mind is still traumatized by a match that I was winning between Barcelona and Real Madrid 3-0 at the 75-minute mark. Suddenly the opposing team starts getting referee calls in their favor and make miraculous goals. I sat in disbelief as CR7 celebrated his fourth goal at the end of extra time, they came back to win 4-3. This was the moment that I choose to go back to an old friend named Pro Evolution Soccer.