Let’s be honest, Scarface is a long boring ride that concludes with an insanely entertaining finally. Nothing else. You better throw away all your Scarface memorabilia; it just makes you look like a fool. Yes, even that shirt with the words “The World Is Yours” printed on it. And yes, you should be ashamed. Go detox your brain with Miller’s Crossing, Carlito’s Way, and, of course, The Godfather series. Even Godfather 3 -- nobody likes it but you choose this for yourself. Once you are up to your ears with constant Mafia violence, you can go ahead and play Mafia I (PC) and Mafia II.
I was the type of guy to make absolutely no noise. If a waiter got my order wrong I would think it was my fault for not speaking clearly. You could say I was a wallflower -- a hard working one -- but still a wallflower. Until this one time that a manager approached me and praised me for not making any noise like my co-workers and sticking to completing all my tasks. She highlighted my trait of going the extra mile but not looking for extra money or recognition. To this day, I am not sure if she straight dissed me to my face and my character of docility just ignored it. I was decomposing inside and I didn’t know it. It wasn’t sudden, but I began to slowly break away from the worker bee mentality. I became enlightened to the fact that this was the only chance I have at making a beautiful mess.
Nobody ever tells you that you need some chaos sprinkled in between tranquility to really live. Take Vincent van Gogh as an example, he painted some of the most famous paintings in human history. One day he either decided to cut off his ear to show his passion for a woman who he could have easily painted a masterpiece for and won her over -- or he lost his ear during a fight. Regardless, he lost it in the chaos of love and/or anger. You may be into reading poetry while you annoyingly tell people how sensitive you are, but if you are not going up to attractive people and asking them out on dates, getting into altercations, and reading Bukowski while you smoke you your whole stash then you are not really living. This is truth.
One thing that has always fascinated me about the USA’s short history is the strange disappearance of settlers of the failed Roanoke Island colony. Imagine you are an Englishman named John White who is tasked with going back to check on the progress of a new settlement to find nothing when you get there. Absolutely nothing. No person remains in the colony; there are no signs of a panic, bodies, or any indications of a struggle. Everything is calm and it seems as if everyone just up and left. In your search you only see the word CROATOAN carved into a fence post. That is almost 100 people, your wife and child included, who have vanished and your continued search for them yields no results. It is almost like -- everybody’s gone to the rapture…
In lieu of ESL's announcement that they will be drug testing competitors due to players admitting they were hopped up on Adderall in a recent Counterstrike tournament, The Stoned Gamer is announcing the world's first stoned gaming tournament going down October 3-4 at the XO Gold Cup in San Bernadino, California! It's finally happening!
The downside of creating an absolute masterpiece is the very real curse of never making something that matches it. This is exactly what has happened to the WWE after they released WWF No Mercy. Yes, there was a time when it was called WWF instead of WWE (Get the F OUT!). I had some fantastic matches on this thing; everything about it was perfect which has raised the bar way too high for every wrestling game after. Really, why do you continue to throw money on new WWE games when the best is already available?
Since the beginning of time, humans have been obsessed with their final swan song; aspiring to live a life that would grant them the chance to bid a proper adieu to the only world that they knew. Well, if you ever wanted to die in a horrific way then here is your chance! The Flock is not your normal horror survival game where you could resume your life after you've been mauled by a scientific mutation. NO, in this game if you die, that's it. No more game for you. Seriously, you can never play The Flock again, there will come the time that the game itself will cease to exist and it is a very intriguing concept.
I have been in an uncontrollable vortex of despair, hopelessness and ideals since the moment I first played LISA: Painful RPG. Living in a cozy world where my only real interaction with true human darkness is through the numerous news networks has made me weak. Day by day I live a luxurious life where I get to pick when I eat and who I befriend. Hell, making a cup of coffee and eating it with your favorite bagel with your choice of spread, is a luxury that the majority takes for granted. At any moment, our reality could surrender into something darker and macabre. What would happen if everything went away and we were placed in a wasteland with little to no hope, peace, or order? Lisa has the answers.
I am a hip-hop snob. This is a burden I've carried for many years. I try not to be so critical of popular music now, but I just want everyone to know that I listen to your favorite rapper’s favorite rapper’s favorite rapper. Sometimes I like to sit and think about the type of video games that would complement each rap group's style. For example, A Tribe Called Quest would have a game where Q-tip must drive around Southern California in a journey to find his wallet. The real question is what type of game would harness the ultra-aggressive and depressive energy that is Jedi Mind Tricks.
Where the Wild Things Are is a children’s book whose message is lost in those too young to understand it, a lot like psychedelics. Maurice Sendak used a simple narrative and memorable illustrations to make the public aware of the power found in imagination. On a more immature level, it taught you to say “Let the wild rumpus start!” before inhaling a bowl of marijuana or before coitus, ruining the mood of the latter. Maurice Sendak might have been called to travel outside of our realm but his works continue to motivate freethinkers around the globe in all languages.
Quitting a job you hate is one of the most liberating acts you can do for yourself. My brother was a middle school music teacher until the day he used an expletive to tell a girl to be quiet. Yes, STFU. Later that day he told me the moment he signed his resignation papers will be ranked as the moment he was reborn. It doesn't work for everybody -- chances are low you'll find freedom in cursing at school-aged children but maybe you should try to alter your life before the boiling point. If you do quit your job today, congratulations. Don't hold me responsible for your irresponsible decision. I'm just a guy on the internet with a brother who has a loose tongue.
We are pretty edgy, or so we think. The truth is we will never be as cool as the animators that existed during the 1930s. My Saturday mornings were made up of microwaved corndogs and 1930s ComiColor animation, I just didn't realize it was actually a gateway into the minds of grown men who loved drugs and art. Think about it, could you think of a place made entirely of balloons and have a pin cushion villain with a protruding phallus? Not without some 'extracurricular' help.
The 'Just Say No' campaign of the early 90s collapsed when Bethesda hit the gaming scene with Elder Scrolls. After that, it was simply impossible to say no. Bethesda was your dealer and Elder Scrolls was the crystallized crack rocks inside a little plastic baggie -- and you've used everything from PC-DOS to PlayStation 4 to smoke it in.
You must really consider the fact that the state of our technology would have never gotten past the embryonic stage had it not been for small contributions to innovation. Everyone gets so happy when a game comes out with new DLC content for their favorite games but do you ever wonder what were the early stages of DLC gaming history? I don't, because I have better things to do than to devote my entire life to the detailed history of video games.
Fear can manifests itself in many ways. Are you a perfectionist? Do you sit and wait for things to reach the perfect pitch in order for you to act? This is a presence of fear disguised in the form your need to have everything be perfected. Are you indecisive or procrastinate? Yes, this too is a presence of fear. These are all things that are holding you back from taking action towards something or someone you wish to have, but the reality is that no action yields no results.
Since we did it for Microsoft's E3 media briefing, we obviously feel obligated to do this feature for Sony PlayStation's media reveal at E3. A lot things were thrown your way, and we've condensed all the interesting things down to a handy top ten list.
This article was originally created for Microsoft's E3 briefing stream, but now that it's over with, we've repurposed this as a top ten list of the most amazing things that came out of today's press conference. We're just so damn resourceful over here.
FIFA is corrupt. So corrupt that EA decided to add it to their EA FIFA franchise, you just didn't realize it was in there. My mind is still traumatized by a match that I was winning between Barcelona and Real Madrid 3-0 at the 75-minute mark. Suddenly the opposing team starts getting referee calls in their favor and make miraculous goals. I sat in disbelief as CR7 celebrated his fourth goal at the end of extra time, they came back to win 4-3. This was the moment that I choose to go back to an old friend named Pro Evolution Soccer.
They call the genre 'couch multiplayer,' which beats 'anxiously stand up and pace multiplayer' by a long shot. Sombrero: Spaghetti Western Mayhem is the game, and you're fortunate to be alive this month because it's officially The Stoned Gamer's Free Indie Game of the Month.