All of those late-night arduous battles in front of the monitor and inappropriately large dabs can dehydrate any Stoned Gamers. Don't worry, we know -- we've all been there before. That's why we are proud to announce that Molly Water is the Official Hydration of the Stoned Gamer Tournament.

Thursday, 20 July 2017 16:42

The 2017 Group A Brackets (Complete and Seeded)

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The first quarter (Group A) of the 2017 Stoned Gamer Tournament has officially wrapped up and we are honored to have these four prominent champions qualify for the 2017 Stoned Gamer Grand Finale held on December 9th in Los Angeles.

Look, you guys -- we know three comes before four. That's like standard knowledge for all Earthlings -- or at least it should be. The sequence of numbers is something we can rely on as a species, however in this very brief and rare scenario, four comes before three. You read that right. 1,2,4,3. When it's written out like that, it doesn't seem that bad. In fact it looks pretty normal. However rest assured that in any other circumstance, those sequence of numbers are incorrect. When it comes to the Fourth Stoned Gamer Tournament going down June 14th and the Third Stoned Gamer Tournament occuring June 24th -- it happens. Blame it on E3, blame it on the boring redundancy of the time/space continuum -- four comes before three, and the world must deal with it.

You have not been deceived, Stoned Gamers. Well maybe you have, but none of this was our intention. We understand that in all historic number sequences, three comes before four. It's been like that since we were kids -- probably since your parents were kids too. However in 2017, the Fourth Stoned Gamer Tournament has arrived before the Third Stoned Gamer Tournament. It's a mathematical anomaly that only happens once in every 10,000 years -- and it just so happens that four comes before three this year, specifically for the Stoned Gamer Tournament.

After a smashing start to the season at the end of April, the second Stoned Gamer Qualifier of the season went down May 27th at quite literally the home of 90s hip-hop, Delicious Vinyl.

Saturday, 06 May 2017 19:01

2017 Stoned Gamer Tournament - Team Updates

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On April 20th the 2017 Stoned Gamer Tournament Season started with a bang in San Bernardino, CA and 32 players competed in some of the greatest Street Fighter 2: Championship Edition action anyone at Stoned Gamer has ever seen. You can check out the full recap of the first Stoned Gamer Qualifying Tournament here.

The 2017 Stoned Gamer Tournament, the only uniting force in the universe. A force greater than the goo used to hold neutrinos together -- stronger than week electron force that comprises the four fundamental forces of nature

Tuesday, 21 March 2017 19:52

The Life and (Near) Death of Real Deal Neal

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“Are you in a lot of pain?”

Neal Kennedy looked up at his father and signaled agonizingly to him the only way he could. Two blinks for yes. Guillain-Barre syndrome had ravaged Neal’s nervous system – all he could do was blink his left eye to communicate with the rest of the world. The syndrome’s unpredictability offered no guarantee that he’d ever be able to get out of his hospital bed again. Neal was only 17.

When it comes to rare relics of the Stoned Gamer Tournament, it doesn't get any rarer than these two exclusive event t-shirts. The greatest part about the rarity of these collectible shirts: they will never be made again. People of Earth, this is your FINAL chance to own one (or both) of these collector's edition shirts!

Tuesday, 31 January 2017 02:57

The Stoned Gamer Practice Sesh at the Cannabis Art Show

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The Stoned Gamer Practice Sesh was a collaborative effort of stonedness between Delicious Vinyl, Over the Edge Books, and Stoned Gamer. To get everyone stoned beyond normal normal human comprehension, our buds at Pot Rocks and Family First Pharming joined us for the opening night of the Over the Edge Books Cannabis Art Show.

 

On December 3rd, sixty-four of the greatest Stoned Gamers that qualified in the 2016 season met in Downtown Los Angeles to determine who would be the 2016 Stoned Gamer GRAND CHAMPION. If you're interested in seeing the entire rundown of the 2016 Stoned Gamer season, check this out. Now, on to the 2016 Stoned Gamer GRAND FINALE produced by MERRY JANE, directed by Cynthia Vance.

Monday, 02 January 2017 20:58

Battle of the Bling: The Grudge Match

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What happens when you get swept 3-0 in the 2016 Stoned Gamer Grand Finale against your heated rival? Well, you throw your own money down on the line for a rematch with the champion, of course. 

Wednesday, 21 December 2016 23:52

Team Caviar Gold at the 2016 Stoned Gamer GRAND FINALE

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The main sponsor for the 2016 Stoned Gamer GRAND FINALE was none other than our very familiar friends over at Caviar Gold.

Wednesday, 21 December 2016 22:37

Team Herbsmith at the 2016 Stoned Gamer GRAND FINALE

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The Stoned Gamer Tournament first heard of The Herbsmith at the twelfth Stoned Gamer Qualifier held in San Diego in which Team Herbsmith's Kincaiderade came in and swept the competition to be awarded champion of that Tournament. 

Wednesday, 21 December 2016 21:37

Team Potrocks at the 2016 Stoned Gamer GRAND FINALE

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Potrocks is essentially high quality herb infused with extract and dusted in kief. If you shake a bottle of Pepsi, throw some Potrocks inside, and then close the top, there will be no catalsymic explosion. You will have wasted an entire batch of Potrocks and now you'll have to explain to all of your friends why you're such a moron.

Tuesday, 20 December 2016 00:17

eSports stats of the 2016 Stoned Gamer GRAND FINALE

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Before we get into the full statistics of the 2016 Stoned Gamer GRAND FINALE held December 3rd in Downtown Los Angeles, CA, we must first look at the entiriety of the 2016 Stoned Gamer Season.

Team Flytlab ended the 2016 season with the acqustion of Real Deal Neal (#1 Group A Seed), Crash City Brian (#3 Group A Seed), Danny (#1 Group B Seed), Nick B (#2 Group A Seed), Lokjaw (#1 Group C Seed), Digital Da$h (#15 Group B Seed).

Sunday, 18 December 2016 15:48

2016 Stoned Gamer GRAND FINALE Photo Gallery

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Behold, the entire image gallery for the 2016 Stoned Gamer GRAND FINALE Tournament held December 3rd in Downtown Los Angeles, CA

Thursday, 24 November 2016 23:32

Official Partners of the 2016 Stoned Gamer GRAND FINALE

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Keep in mind, stoned gamers, the entire 2016 Stoned Gamer GRAND FINALE would not be possibly without the help of our fantastic official partners. These guys believe in the Stoned Gamer Tournament, and most importantly, they believe in every Stonder Gamer that has competed throughout the year. If you follow any company in the cannabis and tech industry, follow these brands. They make all of this possible.

Some of you may remember the ridiculously impressive performance from DJ Skol One during FIFTEENTH Stoned Gamer Qualifying Tournament, otherwise known as the sport's first BOSS BATTLE. By running up a tremendous 21-2 record, DJ Skol One left two spots in the Group D bracket of the 2016 Stoned Gamer GRAND FINALE. Therefore we granted DJ Skol One the ability to choose Stoned Gamers to fill in the spots.

We're reving up for the 2016 Stoned Gamer GRAND FINALE held December 3rd in Downtown LA and we will be releasing this limited-edition Carmen Monoxide x Stoned Gamer shirt at the tournament. Only 200 of these astonishing beauties will be available for sale at the Stoned Gamer merchandise table for $35. 

Wednesday, 02 November 2016 22:16

The 2016 Stoned Gamer Tournament - Group D Bracket

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The 2016 Stoned Gamer Tournament Season has officially ended, and we only wish we can say we're riding in the sunset until 2017, but with the GRAND FINALE just around the corner, it's grind time until we rest our collective heads the night of December 3rd. Now we're going to spent the next month droning away at Tournament details while watching Stolen Valor videos on YouTube because, let's face it, they're so damn entertaining. It's like watching a train wreck that doesn't know it's a wreck yet. 

The Stoned Gamer Tournament has finally arrived to the final Stoned Gamer Qualifying Tournament of the 2016 season. The Tournament started on the April 20th weekend and now at the end of October the regular season has finalized at Blacklist Sesh, a venue the tournament has frequented before. Of course, the season must end with a BOSS BATTLE, and at our final qualifier we held a dual BOSS BATTLE with Team Flytlab's @CrashCityBrian and Team Blacklist Sesh's @Wolfricks.

On October 22nd 2016, we introduced the BOSS BATTLE concept to the Stoned Gamer Tournament, and it was an absolute success among all stoned gamers that attended the Sixteenth Stoned Gamer Qualifying Tournament of the 2016 Season.

Monday, 24 October 2016 18:42

Explore A World Without Death in ADios

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The aroma and taste produced by the combination of life and death is found a cup of black coffee. Drinking a cup of black coffee helps your soul accept the fact that death will absolutely happen and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Our ancestors drank black coffee to help cope with the unrelenting hardships they went through. Blood, tears, passion, and creativity are all conveniently mixed in your morning cup of ambition. Black coffee is the beauty of our truth that we take no material possessions with us, nor can we take those we love. Drink your life’s essence without sugar or milk. No, I’m not being paid by the ‘Big Coffee Industry’ to convince you to consume more coffee, but you should definitely drink a straight double shot of espresso from a real coffee house at least once in your life to fully understand what I’m talking about.

On October 22nd at @Compassesh the fifteenth #StonedGamer Qualifying Tournament of the 2016 Season transforms into a Boss Battle featuring Team #Compassesh's @DJSkolOne.

Thursday, 20 October 2016 02:00

Experience the Anarchy of Gym Class in Gang Beasts

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Gym class in high school was the class period of the day where you would find my friends and I being completely reckless with our bodies. Had our gym coach been even a tad bit attentive, he would have witnessed true anarchy from 9 to 10:20 a.m. We would find ways to steal from the vending machine because someone decided to place one in the hallway leading to the gym. If you’re a group of teenagers and a vending machine is located in your vicinity, you’d be doing a disservice to yourself by not messing with it. Gym class was the only time of our day where we didn’t have to think about consequences of our actions because we could really do what we wanted, and so we did. We negotiated alliances, fed our clan with stolen Fritos, and made our own rules to certain sport games.

Thursday, 13 October 2016 19:26

Dreams, Pot, and Teens in Indie Development

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We recently sat down with Steve Harmon, the man responsible for Awkward Dimensions Redux, an indie puzzle platformer for Linux, OSX and Windows that defies comprehensive description. The game is slated for steam release on the 21 st , and we took the opportunity to get a better perspective on what goes into small indie projects like this in terms of work and creative influences, and detail how a high-schooler in colorado took on this ambitious project:

Steam is the largest gaming platform ever conceived, and Valve has done a lot towards solidifying its hold on that title -- so much so that the vending platforms of its Host OSes are minuscule by comparison. One of the services that Steam offers to its users with the wealth of data they provide is the Steam Hardware Survey, a database for the purposes of comparison for their 150 million active users. One of the most intriguing metrics displayed there is the most common hardware employed in gaming PCs – as it tells a different story than the narrative pushed by the mainstream gaming media. Console enthusiasts represent the largest viewership in the gaming market, so larger publications have naturally let some confirmation bias sneak into their articles for the sake of retaining that audience.

We would claim the Fourteenth Stoned Gamer Qualifying Tournament is our Halloween special, but we have two additional tournaments scheduled before Halloween even hits. It appears that we will be drowning in colorful plastic spiders and half-assed costumes by the end of the Stoned Gamer Tournament. No worries, we're pros at this stuff -- stuff being inane American holidays. Perhaps the world needs a National Stoned Gamer Holiday. October 2nd is the date in which we were founded, so let's shoot for that in 2017. Don't let us forget though.

Monday, 10 October 2016 21:35

Endure Enormous Distractions in Haydee

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Distractions cause most of our failures. Paying attention to the wrong thing will can cause you unnecessary hardship. Take studying as an example: you could be going over the vast amount of reactions for organic chemistry but you keep watching the music video for Melancholy Hill over and over. That wonderful sequence of visual creativity will distract you from memorizing something simple like all your alkyne reactions -- or maybe it’s stereochemistry that awakens your migraines. That’s why staying focused is the key to success. How you decide to measure success is completely your choice, so be reasonable. Do you need an elevator for your car installed in your home to be successful? Yes, sometimes you do. Alas, some distractions are just too hard to ignore and Haydee is my evidence to that claim.

The 2016 Stoned Gamer Season started on 4/20 weekend with back-to-back Qualifying Tournaments held in San Diego for Xtravaganja and in San Bernardino with the High Times Cannabis Cup. Since then, the season has been in full swing and we've seen our fair share of stoned gamers compete (and qualify) in the Stone Gamer Tournament.

Look, I’m not usually the political type. This election has been more entertaining than most -- I'll give it that. The candidates worth voting for are out of the race or won’t win a single state. Both front-running candidates have come out against freedom of information, encryption, and private online communication, and advocated for equally distasteful things, so any skin I had in the game is long gone at this point. I’m still voting, mind you, just not for a winner. Truth be told, I was on the fence about bothering with the whole ordeal until the ADL made Japanese cartoon characters and an image of a frog from an old comic a hate symbol, and college campuses started banning material containing photographs of an infamously slain great ape.

Thursday, 29 September 2016 12:33

Day of Trumplings: The Actual Basket of Deporables

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If you haven’t taken the opportunity to watch Showtime’s 'The Circus,' you’re missing out on a glimpse into the travelling show that is the presidential race. Though I haven’t been through that many, I can’t remember the last time that I felt so disillusioned with a presidential race -- it’s becoming a reality show. Hillary has probably played golf with Donald, who was mindful to keep Bill’s attention away from Ivanka and his daughters. It has to be common knowledge in political circles that William Clinton will always shoot his shot and Trump has probably always known this.