Tuesday, 14 June 2016 00:00

10 of the Greatest Things from Sony's E3 2016 Press Conference...for Stoned Gamers

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Someone tried describing E3 to me as Coachella for nerds that have horrible social skills. However without nerds with poor social skills, Coachella wouldn't even exist.

E3 is more like an exhibition in extreme wealth -- a platform in which highly affluent gaming companies drop entirely too much money on things like 'doughnut walls' and 'mobile chicken wing stations.' If you have it, blow it. At least that's what my coked out roommate used to tell me in college.

We're shooting another episode of Super High Score for MERRY JANE inside the labyrinth of E3 in Downtown LA. If you missed the first episode, then shame on you because you're really blowing it, Shelly. Really blowing it. Fortunately you can see the premier episode right here, and we're already at 10,000+ views in just four days. For this upcoming E3 episode, expect us to be thrown out by the end of the second day.

In the meantime, we're going to bring you articles throughout the E3 week since our gameplan is to smoke as much cannabis as possible and get lost in the world of innovative gaming. First, let's go over Ten of the Greatest Things from Sony's E3 2016 Press Conference...for Stoned Gamers.

10.) The Price of Sony VR


With Oculus Rift at an abysmal $600 price tag along with severely high requirements from PCs, Sony just won the VR war at this week's E3 press conference when they announced a $400 price tag along with its (obvious) far-reaching PlayStation 4 compatibility. That's what happens when you try to be first at the VR game, everyone else will undercut you. Learn from that, Facebook -- and stop buying Kickstarters and using it for whatever nefarious plan that you're brewing.

9.) This Guy


It's nice to know Sony considers juggalo press with all other press outlets. No discrimination there. We're not sure what this guy's name is, but he hailed from a Spanish speaking country and he was dressed like a clown that really had a fashion statement to make to the clown community. He stood just like that for nearly the entire E3 afterparty, giving a soliloquy while his camera man held a bible-like book that he occasionally read from. Fortunately no creatures were summoned, yet.

8.) Rigs, because it's Rocket League with mechs


Rigs is essentially Rocket League with mechs, which is amazing because Rocket League is undeniably one of the greatest games that has been released in the past decade. If you deny this, then it's because you've never be able to nail an aerial goal. Keep trying, you'll get there.

7.) Lucia Micarelli playing violin


As I sat in the front row looking like a maniac with my American flag shades and green Stoned Gamer hat, I saw what appeared to be that actress from HBO's Treme. I took a pic of who I thought was Lucia Micarelli playing violin and sent it to my bud from Tucson who was obsessed with Treme. I was right, it was her. As I connected the dots, she looked at me, bewildered as to why a guy would rock American flag shades indoors. Well, I don't know why, Lucia. I just don't know.

6.) Infinite Wall of Donuts


This must have been Sony's new property. 'Dodging Diabetes: The VR Experience.' Seriously, an entire wall dedicated to a seemingly infinite amount of doughnuts. I didn't touch it -- only watched the Doughnut Wall progress from a cautious distance.

5.) Harmonix Music


As we waited in line to be the first to get our hands on Sony VR tech, everyone seemed to avoid the Harmonix Music booth like it came with a complimentary urinary tract infection just by entering its domain. Daywalker from The Stoned Gamer stepped up to the plate, and he basically said it was the most immersive VR experience he's ever been involved in. Essentially you're creating music in a 3D space in which you can create objects and then toss those objects in the far distance so decrease or increase the pitch. He claimed it was the closest thing he's ever experienced to a DMT trip, without actually taking DMT.

4.) Thumper


Our bud Marc Flurry made this game and we geeked when we saw it was available for play. Thumper is a fast paced, psychedelic shooter that's like Rez but injected with mescaline and slapped with a heavy dose of psilocybin. When immersed in a VR world, it's almost too overwhelming.

3.) Mobile Chicken Wing Station


Roaming around the Sony E3 Press Conference afterparty were two guys carrying around a shipping pallet of chicken wings. The chicken wings were suspended from their bodies like they were marionettes constructed by the gods that assembled KFC's 'secret herbs and spices.' I'm vegan, but my god can I respect the chicken wing game -- especially these guys that were in charge of all import and export of the chicken wing economy that day.

2.) Days Gone


When it comes to upcoming zombie games, Days Gone's only competition may be State of Decay 2 -- and that's a massive compliment to Sony's Days Gone. The sheer firepower unleashed in this game makes me want to snatch it on day one, even though a release date hasn't been established yet. It's an open-world zombie apocalypse game. It's already won.

1.) The God Kojima and his intriguing game


How stupid does Konami feel now? You try to exile the most prolific developers on the planet and he only builds in strength. Kojima is like some banned Magic The Gathering card. He's unstoppable, a legend, and here is how he was introduced at Sony's E3 Press Conference. Amazing.

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