Group A of The Grand Finale Stoned Gamer Tournament (being held on December 3rd in Downtown LA) has officially been filled.
We're officially 75% complete with the 2016 Stoned Gamer Tournament, which means we only have four Stoned Gamer Qualifying Tournaments left. That's four more chances to get astronomically high and try you hands at Marvel vs. Capcom 2, US edition. We tried using the Japanese version but Anakaris kept glitching. Although who really uses Anakaris anyway -- there hasn't been a single moment in history in which mummys have been cool. Brendan Fraser had a chance in 1999 with The Mummy, but then the franchise turned into The Rock just looking really pissed off and destroying stuff.
The time is finally here, stoned gamers. The 2016 Stoned Gamer GRAND FINALE will be held on December 3rd in Downtown LA.
The Stoned Gamer Tournament took a month-long hiatus back in August solely for our crew to enjoy a little bit of California sunshine during the Summer. Of course, we all just ended up playing Rocket League and taking a nearly limitless amount of dabs. We also built better Magic The Gathering decks -- can't forget about that burst of productivity.
If any of you follow planet Earth and the local environmental happenings in California, then you were probably aware of the seasonal brush fires that seem to turn into roaring blazes overnight, destroying entire communities located in the hills and mountains of the West Coast. Well quite frankly the only solution to not having your house burned down is simply not building a house on a friggin' mountain. Unless you're Aquaman or that dude from Captain Planet, you can't stop the Earth from Earthing. If every house and human was suddenly removed from the planet, that wouldn't be abnormal -- in fact it would be a return to normality.
The heat in Los Angeles this Summer has crossed the threshold of whether global warming 'maybe' is happening. Folks, we are in the middle of global warming. It's not going to happen -- it is happening. Put a frog in a pot of boiling hot water and it's going to jump out immediately. However put that frog in a pot of room temperature water and slowly heat it up, it will never know it's being boiled alive. I guess that's the state of everything that's happening in America right now, not just the heatwave.
After eight intense qualifying tournaments of the 2016 Stoned Gamer Season, we've wrapped up Groups A and B of the Grand Finale Stoned Gamer Tournament which will be held at the end of the year. Now with our ninth qualifying Stoned Gamer Tournament, we've crossed over to the realm of Group C, a favorite among people that love the third letter of the alphabet.
Fresh off a monumentally bizarre trip to the world of E3, The Stoned Gamer crew found themselves in Van Nuys, CA for the start of the eight Stoned Gamer Tournament of the 2016 season held at Compassesh.
We will always remember Dab Crown 2 because it was the first time in The Stoned Gamer history in which the cops raided the entire event.
The Stoned Gamer Tournament, floating around the state of California like a cloud of indica smoke, slowly escaping from the chamber of your favorite bong. We should make that our official slogan, but then again it's entirely too long to fit on a shirt. Or a dab rig. Basically anything that is significant to a stoned gamer, that slogan won't fit on. Unless you're Donatello from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I'm quite certain that slogan could completely fit on his bo staff. Now, the search for Donatello begins.
It may have been called Local Sesh, but driving to San Diego all the way from Los Angeles on a Sunday Morning for our Fifth Qualifying Tournament of the 2016 Stoned Gamer Season was far from local. More like Far Away Sesh, but it didn't matter because the venue the event was held at was incredibly stunning.
Our fourth qualifying tournament of The 2016 Stoned Gamer Season wrapped up at Compassesh this past weekend, and it marked the end of our first group of competitors for our year-end Grand Finale Tournament, which will be held in California -- somewhere. We can't even tell you when everything is going down. The suspense we're building up is approaching M. Night Shyamalan levels. Well, M. Night before he directed The Last Airbender. Everything since then has been just ridic...oh, wait he's producing the new Tales from the Crypt series? Dammit, M. Night -- we need this one to be good. Just this one time.
Our third qualifying tournament of The 2016 Stoned Gamer Season was held at an event called @BlacklistSesh on May 1st 2016. In the history of our Stoned Gamer Tournaments, Blacklist Sesh was the fourth time we visited San Bernardino, CA. Granted, most of you know San Bernardino from that terrorist attack that happened just days before our Blazers Cup tournament. One day we're going to cut all the footage of politicians using San Bernardino to further their platform and then make it appear as if they're talking about us. Maybe we shouldn't have told you this and just made it happen instead. Damn.
Just hours after we wrapped up the debut of The 2016 Stoned Gamer Tournament at Xtravaganja in San Diego, CA, the show was headed to San Bernardino, CA -- home of our first two tournaments, along with that ridiculous domestic terrorist attack that happened last year. Those killings actually occurred a week before Blazers Cup was scheduled to take place, located just minutes from the incident. We thought the event was going to be canceled, but fortunately the FBI and local police viewed the cannabis festival as a 'non-threatening gathering.' Only in California.
Our last Stoned Gamer Tournament took place at Blazers Cup last December, and it was undeniably the biggest event we've ever held on this planet. On other planets and solar systems, it ranked a little bit above average. If you don't believe us, feel free to check out the wrap-up article, filled with timeless photos of stoned gamers getting as high as humanly possible to crank out moves on our custom TSG Championship Edition Arcades. Granted, the photos are timeless because we got every competitor so high that the concept of time or space meant nothing to them.
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