Thursday, 20 October 2016 02:00

Experience the Anarchy of Gym Class in Gang Beasts

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Gym class in high school was the class period of the day where you would find my friends and I being completely reckless with our bodies. Had our gym coach been even a tad bit attentive, he would have witnessed true anarchy from 9 to 10:20 a.m. We would find ways to steal from the vending machine because someone decided to place one in the hallway leading to the gym. If you’re a group of teenagers and a vending machine is located in your vicinity, you’d be doing a disservice to yourself by not messing with it. Gym class was the only time of our day where we didn’t have to think about consequences of our actions because we could really do what we wanted, and so we did. We negotiated alliances, fed our clan with stolen Fritos, and made our own rules to certain sport games.

Our games of basketball were basically ‘kill the man with the ball’. There were no set rules in our form of basketball, and, really, it wasn’t basketball. As soon as someone would touch the sphere of pain, we would descend on that individual with punches to the body. Punches to the face were frowned up -- we weren’t savages. We always maintained the concept of teams but we eventually gave up the idea of using a ball. It came to be that if one of your ‘homies’ was caught trying to hydrate himself, a flock of six, sex-crazed teens would make him regret those drops of water by beating him until the other team would show up. Of course, we didn’t keep score or anything but it was always fun. Seriously, even the one getting beat would be laughing. Those were good times and something I definitely can not do as an adult. That’s right -- until now.

Gang Beasts appears to be a game that allows you to almost reenact the experiences I had in high school. The best part is that you’ll be able to beat the piss out of your friends without having to fill out a police report at the end of the night. Game Beasts touts itself as a silly local multiplayer party game with characters that look like sinister rubber dolls that exist solely to cause others constant pain through unrelenting attacks. You take the control of a thug as you punch and kick your foes, but that’s not all. Gang Beasts allows you to pick up your enemies and hurl them into machinery, fire pits, or throw them off a building or flight of stairs. It will force you to be creative with your rage and madness.

Anyone can punch and kick but not many are able to hoist their enemies above their heads -- this is the true showing of dominance. Few things can compare to lifting your foe above your shoulders as you make your way to the fire pit. They plead for leniency but their cries go unheard as you hurl them towards the darkness that awaits them; their screams lost in the void. You even get to fight in a wrestling ring where you can do your best to replicate the moves performed by the wrestling heroes of your youth. A fight in Gang Beasts can have you slugging it out in the most unexpected environments. Fighting on top of a blimp has never been one of my aspirations but it is close to being one now that Gang Beasts exists in my world. Sure, I am an adult now and should be expected to ‘behave’ as one, but that does not mean that I shouldn’t enjoy some unhinged violence every now and then.

Gang Beasts is currently available in the Steam OS as Steam Early Access, Mac OS X, Windows, and Linux. The developers also have plans to release it on PS4 later on this year. They are also working on an online mode and a Playstation VR mode.

Welcome to Beef City, bitch.

Murray Coons

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