Thursday, 28 July 2016 16:06

My Cat’s Weight Issues Are Glorified in Cat on a Diet

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Our cat's name is Bobbi Grey because we got her around the time that Bobbi Kristina Brown died and we decided to make a sort of mock in memoriam. Her made sure her last name was Grey instead of Brown because she is a grey cat and not brown cat.

I agree it's not nice to name your cat after a semi-celebrity passes to the next galaxy but you can either hang with my wife and I or you can't. Besides, you should always look for something nice out of the terrible. Bobbi Grey has gotten fatter these past few days even after cutting back on feeding her the store brand canned food. She’s still a very adorable cat and, if we fed her better food, worthy of being in Friskies commercials. A harsh fact is that we need to start fat shaming her. She follows me to the kitchen every time I go to make me some eggs and I just can’t say no to her when she meows at me. In reality, Bobbi Grey probably accumulated a second layer of grease because we tend to keep an all-day buffet of dry food that is constantly refilled once it gets down to the halfway mark on the bowl. I still think that Bobbi Grey should at least try and cut back on the endless chewing. Teenage cats are very self-conscious.

My only option to show Bobbi Grey the importance of weight loss is to somehow teach her how to get on my computer, input the password, load Steam, and play Cat On A Diet. Unfortunately, Cat On A Diet will only provide Bobbi Grey with more techniques for self-sabotage because said cat is definitely not following a diet. Cat On A Diet is a game that takes an interesting look at the increasing obesity problem among our domesticated feline friends. Has someone done a study comparing the obesity rates among cats and children in the U.S.? They’ll do studies over anything (I knew it).

This Steam title isn’t about finding a solution to rising blood pressures and expanding collars-- instead its aim is to help cats from all walks of life find cookies. You will transverse through puzzles by clawing through wooden blocks, unscrewing bolts, and you also get to explode uranium. You do all this while you control a an awkwardly cute cat called Dr. Meow who just wants to break his diet and eat some cookies. Waiting till his owners are sleeping, Dr. Meow sets off on a surprisingly complex mission to find cookies in order to eat his feelings away. Dr. Meow’s is genetically programed towards curiosity so don’t be surprised when you find yourself breaking the time barrier after just starting the adventure in the kitchen.

Was it Angry Birds that made physics based gaming popular? It doesn’t matter; I like Cat On A Diet because it’s about an obese cat that doesn’t recognize or doesn’t care that it’s slowly killing itself with each baked good. And because Dr. Meow is eating nothing but cookies, you are able to collect over 50 costumes that should absolutely come with fortified stretch fibers all over. Dr. Meow’s veterinarian would surely call the Humane Society after checking this particular cat’s blood glucose levels and witnessing that they’re at Super Saiyan levels.

Cat On A Diet is a nice casual game when you’re not feeling up to a self-induced seizure due to sensory overload. You can get it on your mobile device or Steam. Listen, we all know that Steam is the better choice because you need to spend less time on your phone. Play Cat On A Diet with your own cat. I’m about to take mine to Tony Horton so I can finally find her an agent and get her in pet food commercials. I’m going to be a stage dad.

Murray Coons

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